We are seriously much too busy to be thinking about something as trivial as cleaning the couch.
We are chasing our butt-naked kids around the house, trying get them to change into their pajamas.
Or chasing the dog who’s got that juicy piece of chicken in his mouth that you just made for dinner.
So the questions becomes- How often do you think about something as minuscule as cleaning your couches or chairs?
And the answer is… probably, like, never. Right?
Life happens… all over your couches
But the reality is- your butt-naked buffoon crawled up on the couch, jumped around on it a bit with his sippy cup in hand, and then kept on truckin’ while you were chasing him?
And then that little rascal who stole the drumstick from the counter, jumped up on that same couch (while you were busy barreling after your child), gently set his piece chicken on the couch, and went to town on it before you noticed!
Life happens my friend.
Here’s the thing- our couches and chairs are a straight-up, secret catastrophe.
You’ve got baby butt all over it, chicken leg juice, and dog fur (and drool probably, while he was destroying his little snack).
Not to mention everything that was already there- like dead skin, oil from your skin, and all the dirt and dust we bring with us on our clothes, or on our feet as we kick up the recliner.
And all of this is so far caked into your couch and chair fabric that vacuuming really isn’t going to help the cause.
We know- this is so not what you wanted to learn about today right? Topnotch information to learn about once you catch your breath from thundering after your naked mini-me.
Which it is 100% necessary to clean your couches regularly. They probably see more mysterious substances than your floor does… and that’s hard to beat.
Since upholstery is perhaps the most universal piece of furniture in every home, you would think most of us common folk would know more about it!
Your first couch cleaning adventure
As mysterious as it might seem, your couch cleaning adventure should certainly begin early on. Before the dog and chicken wing come in contact with it.
Your couch cleaning affair first begins with the choice to plunge into the 6 hour IKEA abyss with the wife. And by hour 5, you finally circle the place one more time, only to finally settle on that same couch you told her to get in the first place.
Hour 6 is spent signing paperwork, processing payments, and then, without fail, hurriedly strapping your new, wife-thinks-is-spectacular-and-you-don’t-care-what-to-think couch, into to the bed of the truck.
Now, likely, IKEA did not give you the floor model (that would be gross), so you have your brand new couch-in-a-box to unpackage and precariously place in the living room.
At this point, we know that all you want to do is simply sit down, after your vigorous couch shopping shift, but you shouldn’t! We suggest cleaning your new found friend first.
Given that your couch was likely shipped from China, and has been trapped in a package, it needs to go through the outgassing process.
This just means that there was a smorgasbord of different chemicals used in the making of that precious new couch, and then the poor thing was immediately packaged and shipped.
It has not had time to breath!
To slowly release these chemicals from the upholstery- and as soon as it can breath in your home, it will most certainly exhale those chemicals into your house- and into your body!
We suggest having a good ol’ upholstery cleaning done on your couch before your get too settled into it.
Dealing with these daily disasters
Now we’re back to the part where you’ve had that seductive IKEA couch for quite some time now, so naturally, you care quite a bit less about that infernal couch than you used to.
The wife is at work, and you’re home skittering after that butt naked brute still while your dog goes to town on a drumstick.
After everything is said and done, you’ve finally got a minute to settle your heartbeat. You’ve gotten the little oaf into bed, who’s innocently watching Winnie the Pooh as he drifts into sleep.
And though Fido has already indulged in more than one drumstick, you’ve gotten him off the couch, and the leftovers put away.
Now… what to do about the sippy cup dribbles and chicken grease on that beloved IKEA couch before the wife gets home?
At least it has only been a few minutes since both stains came to be, so it’s still early (you never want to just leave the stains there to soak in).
You most certainly want to clean it as quickly as possible, so as not to let the grease and juice seep further into the couch and be there plain as day for the wife to see!
The reality is, these accidents are impossible to get out on your own without proper equipment, and will forever be a reminder of the time you lost your mind for two short and sweet seconds.
Regular professional cleanings are your friend
If you were to decide to leave the stains, they would certainly be there for the rest of the couch’s life (given that you never got a professional cleaning done).
Those spots would become stains, which would become increasingly darker as the grease and sticky juice attracts more and more dirt.
These posts will soon spiral into these deep dark couch splotches and be there FOREVER…
Ideally, to always have a couch free from baby butt, sippy cup juice, dog fur, and chicken juice- you would want a professional cleaning done at least twice a year.
Especially opting for a professional clean next time life happens!
Certainly feel free to vacuum all in between your yearly couch cleaning, or try some self-cleaning methods just to keep up on the maintenance.
You want that expensive couch lasting a long time don’t you, so as to not spend another 6 hours of your life in IKEA ever again?
Zero Residue® Couches
The Zerorez® cleaning system does not use soaps, detergents or shampoos.
These will act just as that chicken grease and juice dribbles do- sticky, and always attracting the wrong company… Instead, we use our Zerorez® beyond green™ fluid, and Powered Water® system to eliminate the stains altogether.
You get the added benefit of removing stains, but also restoring the appearance of your furniture back to that brand new IKEA look you fell in love with.
Oh so many advantages of choosing Zerorez®
- Safe on all kinds of upholstery, including the finest natural fibers and the hardiest synthetics. (including leather).
- Restore appearance to “Like-New.”
- Removes dirt, all while preventing stains and soiling.
- Non-toxic, no chemical residue.
- No exposure to harmful cleaning agents.